His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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