Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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