Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
