You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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