She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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