i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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