we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
