i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
