I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
