so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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