I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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