you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
