Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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