so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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