I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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