Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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