He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just saw a hot homeless man
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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