I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
