May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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