i jhust puked up my retainher.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
