My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
