Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
