Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
