On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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