We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
