Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
