I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
