hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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