Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
