He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
