Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
