Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
