There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
