hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
