Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
