this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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