I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
