your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
