we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
