This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
