If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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