Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
