So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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