You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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