You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
