Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Liz is crying about burritos again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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