just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sorry about my life...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
