I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
