"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
