Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
