You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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