I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
