i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
